Dreaming World

Every friday night

is the same. I stand here along and can’t help the tears falling. I think about how I got here, and if I’ll ever get out of here. Of this situation. A life without love, is it even worth it? What are my hopes and dreams and life plans without nobody beside me?

I want someone to be by my side and I think we all deserve someone to love us. To be there for us. We all deserve to be loved. Why is there so much pain in the world? So much loneliness and despair? What’s the point in living and succeeding if you have not found love?

I am so grateful for everything, but still I can’t understand why I’m alone after all this time searching. I fell so lost. I don’t even know where to start. Am I doing something wrong? Is it the world? Is it the boys? Is it God, the 21st century, life in a big city, bad luck or what? What am I supposed to do?

Lovin’ you

was bitter as a winter day

Not even the sunrays of the summer lit your heart

I tried so hard to make you love me

But there was nothing inside; except darkness

so many feelings buried deep inside

maybe not so deep…

You have tricked me but never yourself

Knowing your heart belonged to someone else

But you never let me know

I could never sparkle in your stage

There was someone else, the protagonist was already chosen

Nothing I could do, nothing I could say

You kept it quiet, you kept it safe

Never letting it go

But then I knew

Oh, I’ve always known, haven’t I?

I’ll never shine for you

You’ve never shone for me

Not meant to be

Its been a very long time

But things change, life changes, things die and others grow and people come and go, and well, he did. He went away. It’s a great pleasure to say I no longer have the reason why I tumbled all those shit in the past. About a love that could never happen. Now I can go back to tumbling normal stuff again. Feels good.

All I know

is that it hurts.

I just love him,

that’s all. With every cell of my body. It’s crystal clear to me. And I keep expecting someday all this hits him and makes him love me back.

Nobody wants to be alone on a friday night.

Well, at least I don’t.

Not anymore.

I

LOVE

YOU!

And it kills me that I can’t say it to you. It kills me. It’s killing me right now.

Truth is I have never felt so miserably lonely in a very long time.

Long time no see

And yet, here I am again.

Talking about love again.

Because when I think of him, that’s what pops into my mind: love.

And I so much wish to say all the things that I’ve been holding in my heart.

I so much wanna tell you that yes, you are loved.

But it’s pretty obvious you’re not interested in MY love.

You already rejected me once, why should you want me now?

You think I’m over you.

I often think I should tell you everything.

But then I’d lose all these friendship moments.

And I love you so much I still want them.

I love you so much I even feel sorry for the fact that the girl you love, doesn’t love you back. I didn’t want you to suffer like that.

But what goes around comes around, and you kind of asked for it, didn’t you?

But if you were deaf and blind I would scream to your face:

I.

LOVE.

YOU.

So you would never know it’s true.

I

am such a fool for you.

And that, my friend, is what I call closure.

I’ll never be able to tell you that I loved you.

I can never talk to you again without feeling a little disappointment.

You do NOT deserve any of this.

It just wasn’t meant to be and I knew it from the start.

Why the hell did I try to push things anyway?

You never mentioned me on Twitter. 

You never confessed your feelings whatsoever.

It is over and I’m moving on,

but if I’m still angry, if I still care,

it’s because I still like you.

But God is so merciful, He already sent me someone else.

I’m truly blessed.

For I have lived and enjoyed each and every moment we had together.

Too bad you didn’t.

But about that, there’s nothing I can do.

Goodbye.

So long.

Farewell.

I decided to give love a chance.

The poor thing was suffocated by fear. But the good part of me rescued it from deep within. And now he can see it in my eyes. Whenever he wants to.

I may dissect each little thing and put myself out there so much but at least that means that I still care. Oh! You’ve think you won because women are expendable to you. You may not get hurt or make an ass of yourself that way but you don’t fall in love that way either. You have not won. You’re alone. I may do a lot of stupid shit but I’m still a lot closer to love than you are.

Yes, I still care. I’m trying.